Quietude

The feeling of silence within one's self is an amazing, beautiful emotion. When the body and the mind excepts noise, laughter, music, adrenaline inducing activities-the quiet of an empty house, the movement of pen on paper and studying is shocking. Tonight, I decided to stay home and finish all of my coursework before the weekend. I get irritated when I have wasted my time and have not been productive, so I decided that this weekend would be different. I am home, in front of the fire, taking notes on World War I. This is a non-holy, unreligious part of my life-school. But I have found the sacred in it - not the "holy" algebraic functions, or the "divine" stoichiometry problems, but the idea that productivity equals usefulness, and that by pouring my energy and my effort into any type of work means that I am fulfilling my basic need to be doing something.

Sometimes I have a hard time sitting in shrine and praying. Perhaps this is because sitting on my butt talking isn't really my way of doing things. I need to be doing something, either writing or reading tarot cards, or reciting a hymn. I adore the idea of Zen meditation, and it is one of my goals to develop my interest in it into an actual practice - but just sitting still makes me anxious, like there is not enough time in which to be active, and living fully does not mean contemplating the blossoming of a lotus. (I probably just need to separate my Zen meditation time from my Senut time, as communicating with my Parents doesn't come about by just breathing). Quiet is also essential for my soul, something that I need to focus, and it helps me banish the jumpy monkey-like part of my mind and embrace the fact that it is OK to be quiet. It is OK to not think about anything for thirty seconds, to take a deep breath and to let it out. Quietude is another state of being, and I need to learn how to use it.

Senebty,

Tawai

A Modern Perspective

When someone asks me if I believe in God, I say "Yes". And depending upon the context, I will be silent, and let that answer have the meaning the questioner wishes. He may be Catholic, asking if I believe in God the Father. She may be Hindu, wondering if I believe in the same elephant-headed man she does. I say "Yes" because this is how I view God:

God is only one name given to a multitude. The names we call God may be different, but essentially are all describing the same thing: The beauty of nature, the wonder of pi, the inner anguish that comes with being human. The words people use to describe God are not the same, but the divine spirit that we pray to is. God the Father, Ganesh, Yinepu. All are Names. All are part of the same divine One. This does not mean that polytheism, pantheism, monotheism, or any other "ism" is the wrong or right way to view God. Different, but the same. Egyptian, Indian, Norse, Native American, German, Chinese, Japanese, African. All are true, if the gods you follow believe in you.

Some ruminations, and things for your brain to nibble on.

Senebty,

Tawai

Movement As Offering

Tonight I have danced for Amun. Simple, but it was profoundly moving. :) I put on some of the recent music I have been listening to (excluding my calming Zen chants) and started to move. The movements I made were not prescribed dance moves, although I have taken a couple of dance classes in my life. These movements came from the heart, and when the music expressed rage, I danced rage, I felt it pound through me and into my body, and I released it with my body. I felt emotions, more volatile and beautiful than I have felt recently, what with school starting back up again, and my near OCD routine starting up again.

Dancing tonight fed my ka, and I am satisfied and happy. That is a way that I can honor my Beloved, and get a workout at the same time. Dance is obviously made up of movement, something that is expressed in the present, then let go as the movement flows into another moment. This is what it means to be Beloved of the Hidden One.

Dua Amun!

New Year: 2010

I woke up to the New Year, and felt a rush of emotion. Expectation, fear, exhilaration. This is the beginning of a new year and a new decade. I have set resolutions for myself, quietly planting them in the earth as a gardener does, waiting for the first signs of growth. This is the year when I finish my second to last year of high school, get a job, apply for college. I will be in the chorus of a musical, which is an enormous time commitment. The thought of that alone is daunting. This is the year when I will have to prove to myself that I am the person I say I am, that I am the person whom I want to be. I can daydream and fantasize about being a straight A student, about being loved, of making progress in my writing. But this is also my Father's Year, the Year of Doing, of Becoming.

I will follow His words. Even if I feel afraid, I will tell myself, "I am fearless." I will straighten my shoulders and lift my chin until I am looking adversity in the eye. This winter break I have learned that I get an adrenaline rush out of challenging myself, and conquering the challenge. In 2010 I will overcome the challenges that I face, and not let myself fall into the lazy, non-ka feeding habits that I sometimes fall prey to.

Dua Djehuty, Lord of Wisdom!

Dua Taweret, Great Female!

Dua Amun, Hidden One!

Kings

This will be a very short post. I am a Shemsu, I have taken Shemsu vows. But in Kemetic Orthodoxy, for now, that is as far as I am going to go. I love my Kemetic family, but I can choose not to undergo weshem-ib and still love them the same. There is a desire in my heart to serve my gods in any way that I can, which logically means to become a Shemsu-Ankh, then a wa'ab. I do not know if becoming a wa'ab is the right way for me to serve my gods. Being a lay priest doesn't feel exactly right on account of one thing: In a recent post, Hemet(AUS) has said that Kemetic Orthodoxy is her faith, and that she is the sole priest. In other words, the official connection between the people (Remetj and Shemsu) and Netjer through the kingly ka. I have no problem with Hemet(AUS) as my spiritual leader, as she is highly educated and well informed about Ancient Egypt as a whole, it's history, culture, geography, religion, daily lives etc. But I do have a tiny issue with her being the "king", the center of the Kemetic Orthodox universe. Maybe it's because I live in America, where freedom from monarchy is taken for granted, and democracy is seen as the only form of acceptable, humane government.

I do not like the idea that another person is my sole connection on a physical plane (the kingly ka, the special heka, the Oracle) to Netjer, to my Parents and my Beloved. I know that personal piety existed in Ancient Egypt, and that the state religion as practiced by the pharaoh and his lay priests was not the only way to connect with the gods. But I do not want someone else being the necessary link between my gods and myself. I basically do not agree with the idea that there needs to be a king before there can be any sort of love/communication between Netjer and the average Joe Hotep. I will think on this, meditate on this, and hopefully come up with some answers for myself. This does NOT mean that I am considering leaving the faith, just that in order to stay true to myself, I will not be taking any more vows within Kemetic Orthodoxy -- service to my gods and ma'at is enough.

Is This Love?

I admit it. I stole the title of this post from my favorite Bob Marley song. The song describes the blossoming relationship (or continued) between Marley and his girl. It's so sweet and sentimental, and makes me feel all fuzzy inside. Which is how my Kemetic family makes me feel. This post is really about family. MY family, the family I have found in Kemetic Orthodoxy. Despite having only met one KO person in "real" life (as opposed to "just over the Internet life")-Pekhty, my sister, I still feel like every time I log in to the KO forums, I am somehow visiting a temple dedicated to the Egyptian gods, a sacred place where I can discuss my gods, my role as Shemsu, anything, with fellow followers of KO. Even though there have been some nasty debates, even flat out arguments on the boards, they are mostly buried deep within the dusty realms of the AtN archives. I am close with at least four people, and they make me feel more connected to Tawy and to my religion as a whole. I could practice Kemetic Orthodox without having any contact with anybody besides myself, and I would be fine. I don't necessarily NEED them--I can breathe, eat and perform Senut without them. But I pretty much LOVE them. I understand why Jerusalem was created, why people exist in relative harmony there. It is a beautiful thing, to be around others who feel the same way you do about your basic belief system about the foundations of life. Even though I have never attended a Wep Ronpet celebration, I can celebrate at home with my gods, in my shrine. And I know that multitudes of followers around the world will be celebrating Wep Ronpet when I do. This is part of my family--we all are different in terms of age (I'm the youngest divined House member), financial situation, ethnicity, background, tastes, appearance, and opinions. Yet we all share the same fundamental truths about Netjer. This is what makes my heart sing whenever I talk to one of my brothers or sisters in the faith--they believe in the same gods and goddesses that I do, they celebrate the same festivals, they love Egypt in all of its beauty as I do.

In other news, the first statue of my Father Djehuty that I ever got (well, I only have one other one but still) broke today. It was on the floor because I was/am redoing my shrine, and I was dancing around and knocked him over. I think it hit a bowl or my stone hippo figurine or something because his writing arm broke off. :(

It's slightly ironic because I had ordered a different Djehuty statue, but when it came it was the wrong one, so I'm giving that one to my sister Tekeni. I am totally happy with that decision still, but Maret offered to trade my incorrect statue for the one that I had originally ordered. I turned her offer down because I had already said that Tekeni could have it. So I ordered another Djehuty statue, 11'' black and gold, with a white sash and a writing tablet. He is right handed, apparently. Now I'm just wondering what to do with the broken statue. Maybe glue his arm back on and put it on my mom's bookshelf next to her Hethert one. (I gave it to her so she wouldn't feel bad about my dad leaving her).

It's two in the morning. Wow. Life only gets weirder as night turns to day, and Wesir transforms into Ra. Hmmm......

Egyptian Gods, Buddha Nature

For a while I followed the teachings of Buddha, and practiced the way of life as taught by him. I meditated every day, and didn't think about reading any of the wisdom texts available. I just was. Which was fine, until Egypt stepped in and replanted my roots elsewhere. Even now however, Buddha is one of my greatest teachers. Here's one quote that I particularly love:

"The mind is everything. When we think, we become." -Buddha

It reminds me that I have the power to change what I do not like, and I have the will to make it happen. Following my heart will only bring me happiness (not just happiness, but it will be the right course of action to take) and by doing that, I am creating what I want, not just sitting around thinking and wishing. Whenever I read this quote, which is often (I have it on a stickie note on my laptop) I know that now is the time for me to change, to be what I want in the world. It dovetails with Zep Tepi, and the Zen idealism that is still with me.