Quietude

The feeling of silence within one's self is an amazing, beautiful emotion. When the body and the mind excepts noise, laughter, music, adrenaline inducing activities-the quiet of an empty house, the movement of pen on paper and studying is shocking. Tonight, I decided to stay home and finish all of my coursework before the weekend. I get irritated when I have wasted my time and have not been productive, so I decided that this weekend would be different. I am home, in front of the fire, taking notes on World War I. This is a non-holy, unreligious part of my life-school. But I have found the sacred in it - not the "holy" algebraic functions, or the "divine" stoichiometry problems, but the idea that productivity equals usefulness, and that by pouring my energy and my effort into any type of work means that I am fulfilling my basic need to be doing something.

Sometimes I have a hard time sitting in shrine and praying. Perhaps this is because sitting on my butt talking isn't really my way of doing things. I need to be doing something, either writing or reading tarot cards, or reciting a hymn. I adore the idea of Zen meditation, and it is one of my goals to develop my interest in it into an actual practice - but just sitting still makes me anxious, like there is not enough time in which to be active, and living fully does not mean contemplating the blossoming of a lotus. (I probably just need to separate my Zen meditation time from my Senut time, as communicating with my Parents doesn't come about by just breathing). Quiet is also essential for my soul, something that I need to focus, and it helps me banish the jumpy monkey-like part of my mind and embrace the fact that it is OK to be quiet. It is OK to not think about anything for thirty seconds, to take a deep breath and to let it out. Quietude is another state of being, and I need to learn how to use it.

Senebty,

Tawai

A Modern Perspective

When someone asks me if I believe in God, I say "Yes". And depending upon the context, I will be silent, and let that answer have the meaning the questioner wishes. He may be Catholic, asking if I believe in God the Father. She may be Hindu, wondering if I believe in the same elephant-headed man she does. I say "Yes" because this is how I view God:

God is only one name given to a multitude. The names we call God may be different, but essentially are all describing the same thing: The beauty of nature, the wonder of pi, the inner anguish that comes with being human. The words people use to describe God are not the same, but the divine spirit that we pray to is. God the Father, Ganesh, Yinepu. All are Names. All are part of the same divine One. This does not mean that polytheism, pantheism, monotheism, or any other "ism" is the wrong or right way to view God. Different, but the same. Egyptian, Indian, Norse, Native American, German, Chinese, Japanese, African. All are true, if the gods you follow believe in you.

Some ruminations, and things for your brain to nibble on.

Senebty,

Tawai

Movement As Offering

Tonight I have danced for Amun. Simple, but it was profoundly moving. :) I put on some of the recent music I have been listening to (excluding my calming Zen chants) and started to move. The movements I made were not prescribed dance moves, although I have taken a couple of dance classes in my life. These movements came from the heart, and when the music expressed rage, I danced rage, I felt it pound through me and into my body, and I released it with my body. I felt emotions, more volatile and beautiful than I have felt recently, what with school starting back up again, and my near OCD routine starting up again.

Dancing tonight fed my ka, and I am satisfied and happy. That is a way that I can honor my Beloved, and get a workout at the same time. Dance is obviously made up of movement, something that is expressed in the present, then let go as the movement flows into another moment. This is what it means to be Beloved of the Hidden One.

Dua Amun!

New Year: 2010

I woke up to the New Year, and felt a rush of emotion. Expectation, fear, exhilaration. This is the beginning of a new year and a new decade. I have set resolutions for myself, quietly planting them in the earth as a gardener does, waiting for the first signs of growth. This is the year when I finish my second to last year of high school, get a job, apply for college. I will be in the chorus of a musical, which is an enormous time commitment. The thought of that alone is daunting. This is the year when I will have to prove to myself that I am the person I say I am, that I am the person whom I want to be. I can daydream and fantasize about being a straight A student, about being loved, of making progress in my writing. But this is also my Father's Year, the Year of Doing, of Becoming.

I will follow His words. Even if I feel afraid, I will tell myself, "I am fearless." I will straighten my shoulders and lift my chin until I am looking adversity in the eye. This winter break I have learned that I get an adrenaline rush out of challenging myself, and conquering the challenge. In 2010 I will overcome the challenges that I face, and not let myself fall into the lazy, non-ka feeding habits that I sometimes fall prey to.

Dua Djehuty, Lord of Wisdom!

Dua Taweret, Great Female!

Dua Amun, Hidden One!